Come what may

Come what may......
kadang kadang dalam hidup ini kita hadapi sebuah situasi atau keadaan yang sama sekali sudah tidak terpikirkan oleh akal sehat kita atau rasio kita. situasi yang kadang membuat kita menyerah, tidak bisa berbuat apa apa. bukan berarti kita tidak berusaha, akan tetapi memang kita tidaklah bisa berbuat apapun kecuali menerima. take the risk, take the consequences.
yaaaa sudahlah...come what may

when....

when...........
when the two becomes one
its time of two world assimilate each others
not one world become into another
when two hearts become one
its the time when two people sworing to life together
and loving and caring each other
not one rule another.....
when love..........only god knows

fly me......then

Fly me to the moon n back...............
you take me up high..................... n drown me back.
but i'm gonna get up on my legs. just for four letter words. love, live, and hope......
ya Allah Maha membolak balikan hati. who rules from the alpha to the omega.
please give me your little drop of strength. to face all of this.....

alhamdulillaah

Alhamdullilaah, ya Rahman.

sore itu seperti beberapa tahun yang lalu. sesuatu sangat mengganggu pikiranku. masalah yang hampir sama.
setang motor merahku erat di tangan. seakan satu badan satu bagian tubuhku. mesin sudah menjadi satu dengan tubuhku.
aku g tau enteng aja aku tarik itu mesin. sensasi yg lama tidak aku rasakan. di dorong oleh limit waktu yang ada untuk mengantarkan seseorang yang sangat penting bagi hidupku.
aku rasa sensasi yang tak kurasa sebelumnya. tanpa rasa takut. sensasi yg menakutkan. yng mendorong diriku untuk mengeksplorasi lebih jauh. gas...
saat beribu pikiran menggangguku kembali. konsentrasi dan kesatuanku kembali buyar. saat ada seseorang menyeberang jalan raya margonda. rem pun ku hentak. tubuh jupe mx ku terbanting beserta aku dan sebelah jiwaku.
saat tubuhku terseret aku cuma berdoa "Ya Allah boleh kau ambil hidupku, tapi selamatkanlah dia. selamatkan dia ya Allah, aku rela kau ambil nyawaku asal dia selamat". aku lihat tubuhnya yang terseret di belakangku.
aku sudah kaitkan pengaman helmnya, semoga tidak terjadi apa apa. aku pasrah, hampir menangis.
saat gaya yg menyeretku berhenti. aku langsung berdiri dan berlari menghampirinya. ya allah. kulihat dia terkapar di beton jalan margonda. tak ada darah. alhamdullilaah. aku angkat tubuhnya, aku papah dia ke pinggir jalan.
rasa bersalah, berdosa, menyesal karena mengikuti ajakan adrenalin untuk mengikuti angin. saat itu hanya satu yang aku ucapkan, Alhamdulillaah. dia selamat. karena hanya dia yang berharga buatku. selain imanku, keluargaku dan ibuku.

Alhamdullilaah ya Allah....Alhamdulillaah ya Rahman. Alhamdulillaah.

in vain........

in vain......
kesia siaan yang sangat menyakitkan. yang tanpa ujung.

The River.......... (mynightmare)

The River…..
(with Aubrey: bread as the musics)

Up in the hill of the mountains of live, I’ve been stand 4 long time.….. there is a two big hill with a beautifull river stream between 'em. River of live. Its runs to a great valley which covered by many many landscape. Desert, beautifull meadow with so many flowers…so colourfull, green prairie with so many beautifull animal in it, dwellings, green farms, grapevine and graveyard.
I’m a man, with so many things wanted. Life and love. Naturally I always try n try to reach all those things. With all my capability, with all my power, with all i have, n with all i’ve got from heaven.
I’ve stand there for a while…enough to see so many things. Love, live, death, birth, fate, hate, greed, hunger, laugh, cry, and betrayal. I’ve stepdown to its path down in the riverside. I’ve looks down the river. The water so clear so I can see trough it. The stone, the sand and everything in it. There is two golden fish simming around. Chit chat with love looking some place to stay. So peace full. How I feel peace inside ‘em. So calm. They’re in love I think. I stepdowm in the stream, I feel the water so cold but its brings a undescribeable feeling trough my veins. So warm, so peace, so pure n ……so alive. It’s a magic…..magic of love? I dips my face, then some strange felling running to my brain. I lay down there in the stream for a while. Enjoy the life spirit inside my body became one with the universe. So peacefull. What a wonderfull life would be…….I stand aside, step to path the meadow. Walk slowly down the the hill. Watching around, I see so manythings that’s I was never seen before. So quiet around here. Only two birds flying over branch to branch, over my heads. Far away I see yellow flower in the meadow, calling me from the distances. Come, come, come here soldier. You’ve been waited for a long time. Come to us ……..When I step my barefoot in the meadow….. fresh smell of the wild flower. Rush to my nose n I feel it runs trough my brain. I fly away with its heavenly smells. What a beautifull landscape is in front of me….no dust at all. It this what they called heaven? I think its not. Theres so many angels there. But here ..none of ‘em have been seen all over the place. I lay down in the flowerfull grass. Feel the warmth of sun shine, shining like a golden in the sky. Then I wake up stand and seeing around I smell something different. So different. I see down the riverside the dwelling full of smoke…..i ran down there. See the most scarying …………… scene……killing. Dead bodies lies everywhere. Eat by a thousands maggots. The nasty smells make me sick. The fly are enjoy their feast, flying around make sound like humming. I’ve cry while i see that, but I cant do nothing, is this a hell? I run.. n run.. n run... down the river…….river of live ?……with so many thougths in my heads. I feel so scared. Scared. and scared……..Then I feel so tired…..i fell down in the shade of a big tree. My head hit one of its big root. I feel hurt n there is something warm flowing in my head. Ugghhhh ….. I raise my head n see everythings around is so different right now….so calm….so quiet. so strange.Only 1 sound I heard , somebody sing the song that i’ ve known ……“When the light disappears And when this world’s insincere You’ll be safe here When nobody hears you scream I’ll scream with you You’ll be safe here When no one understands I’ll believe You’ll be safe, here Close your eyes Dry your tears ‘Coz when nothing seems clear You’ll be safe here “I looks upon the trees where the sung I heard. I saw a beautifull lady sat upon the big branch. Wear purple dress. She looks at me and said “ don’t be afraid, you save here, come on ”. Her sound so clear. So gentle. Then she jump down the tree. Stand right in front of me. Its my first time I saw her…but I feel I’ve known her for so long. She hold my hand n waking me up. Then she take me to see everything around that place. So quiet. No wind, no sound I heard, no animal or else…definitely nothing except us in that place….just two of us in the beautifull place. I feel so peacefull inside me. Then I turn my back around, see her face….. oh God. What a wonderfull face…she is a Gods masterpiece…but she’s eyes looks so sad. I ask her what the matter? She gave me smile for an answer……nice sweet smile. But her face looks so sad…I want take her to the hills, to the stream. I wanna make her happy. Shed her tears, and sorrow from her beautifull face. I wanna show her the two golden fish. I wanna make her happy….. I hold her hand n take her up on the hill….down to the riverstream, take her to the 2 golden fish. Share its love to us….when she touch the water….its began to glow…..shining like thousand stars. Shine from its stream towards the alley…..wipe all sadness beyond…. My purple angel.

After the smoke cleared its was down to you n I.. when the sun appears …….

based on my unforgetable nightmare…7-4-2008 (rewrite)

no Title.......

its just not only thought of my consciousness ..... but its my real feelin inside of me. crawling out from darkside of me. when i see the light. the light that sunk down all my misery. i'll thanks god for send her here by my side.

my Eidelweiss

white.........on a green.
hidup di tebing tebing berangin. di sela sela bebatuan di sela sela bongkahan tak beraturan padang semeru, suryakancana.
white on a green. live in the lack of oxigen. in the lack of life support. symbol of great livestrength. Eidelweiss.
small petals with a natural smells.......so fresh,

we can adore it but we can't keep it, own it, just only see, see from the distance.
to keep it, to love it. hard but it was a biggest love appearance.

thats why its became the symbol of eternal love......eidelweiss.
biggest love appearance.

mudah saja

mungkin kata kata ini akan banyak keluar dari orang yang optimistis. (ato bahkan cenderung sombong or arogance).
tapi kata ini juga akan bisa keluar dari orang yang sedang kecewa. hancur. or mempertanyakan keadaan. tidak puas. n so on.........
mudah saja buatku untuk....
mudah saja bagimu....
mudah saja kaann....
aahhh mudah saja...
artinya dan maksud yg berbeda........
seperti aku saat ini...
mempertanyakan.....
saat orang memutuskan sesuatu yg harus aku hadapi....
aku harus begitu, begini....
mudah saja bagimu..... seperti katamu
bagiku?? apakah sama???
mudahkah?
tidak seperti itu .......
we have different soul ......! even we've been together.
apakah kata mudah saja begitu mudah? ................................... sigghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

love is blind

love is blind.
karena cinta tidak mengenal warna dan bentuk. sifat yang bisa di nyatakan. cinta tidak mengenal batas. kata seseoranmg temanku begitu.
but .... i think its right ...... i fell in love. but i cant ...... do that.